Thoughts Unlocked

Life seems to be just this. If we achieve something, we are happy; well and good. If we are not able to bridge the gap between expectation and reality it indeed leaves a hole inside us. Then begins the difficult, frustrating and seemingly impossible task of filling that void. We try to pacify ourselves, talk ourselves out of it, settle for the next best thing, believe that what happened was for our best, degrading the value of our expectation, so on and so forth.

But can this void be ever erased from our memory and our whole personality per se? Or do we keep on accumulating such voids throughout our lives. Just try to imagine the sum of all such voids. It will indeed be a very heavy one. A whole bunch of memories standing for missed opportunities, chances, bad luck, regrets. So as we grow up, all these need to be discounted at the rate of “peaceful and boring” normal existence to get a net present value. Is it not really hard to have that, on ones shoulders, even more so as time goes by. The concept of compounding losses???

What is the solution then? Mathematically it should be:

NPV of Voids = ∑(The magnitude of Void)/(1+Normal happiness rate)t

Now this will turn to 0 , which we ideally want as Normal happiness rate tends to Infinity. Since we can’t really control the magnitude of void all the time (Yeah all of us have got a great illusion that we are in total control of our life , but are we really? ), the most obvious answer is to make our normal boring life so happy and content that such voids may come and go without having any effect on us .

The most obvious answers and solutions are the most difficult to implement.The above is what the Yogis and Swamis do. They do not live in the future (or the anticipation of it as sugested by Heiddeger ) like us, thus time variant voids do not matter.
To put it in another way revise your “Bhoole Bisre geet “--- Mein zindagi ka sath nibhata chala gaya …… “Gam aur khushi mein fark na mehsoos ho jaha”. And again we arrive at the same result .
Think !!! :)

Its been over a month since i landed in Copenhagen . I wanted to post and tell so much but time seems to be flying at the speed of the BrahMos(2.8 Mach).Anyways , since there is so much to tell i will limit myself to the ppt format and thus bullet points :)

Here Goes :

Few Vital Stats :
Countries visited or passed through : 7
Distance Covered : 11,000 Km is what it shows in the map above.
But that is one way mostly and does not show
the random detours which i took . So estimate
in excess of 25,000 KM ... Whew :)

- The grass does appear greener here and the sky clearer
- The ice cream vendor at Istanbul airport shouting "Badhiya Kulfi" when he saw us Indians
- Talking to the Brit girl sitting beside me on my flight only to discover that she was working as a dancer in Bollywood movies and was part of "once upon a time in Mumbai"
- The clouds and how they danced around an hour from landing at Copenhagen
- The feeling when i first saw the windmills and ferries in the sea between Denmark and Sweden
- How the houses and cars and roads look like toys in a toy world when looked from above in Denmark and Germany
- The shock i got when looking at prices of everything in Scandinavia . The relentless conversion of Kroner and Euros to Indian Rupees and thinking its too expensive
- The first trip to school and how i walked in the exact opposite direction. Came back looked at Google maps , took my laptop along , tried buying a ticket at the automatic machine at the train station , failed doing so and finally arriving 1.5 hours late in class
- The first trip to Stockholm , the girl like antics of Parag and all the convincing i had to do to make him come along
-The amazing time i had at Malmo. And it has been a regular part of euro trip now. To get connections i end up at random stations only to discover a cute little town or city . Malmo, Strasbourg, Karlsruhe , Cerbere , Nuremberg and i am sure lots many to come.
- Spending 5 hours inside a club in Stockholm just buying 1 drink so as to pass time. Witness some wild way these guys party here .
- The way the water sparkled in Stockholm . The awed feeling inside the VASA museum which tends to transport you into the Pirates of the Caribbean world
- The amazingly beautiful train trip to Norway and the never ending feeling that i was in the Hogwarts Bound train and a tall wizard will appear on the railway tracks out of nowhere
- The hike to the bordal Gorge at Vass village. Sitting for more than an hour , just looking at the scenery and smiling
- The 5 kilometer walk on international highway at Bergen with the sun shinning brightly behind, the backwaters of sea to my left , i pod playing old Hindi songs , wearing sunglasses , carrying my backpack and cars running at 150 Kph beneath. All this to save 23 Kroners or 180 rupees . Not really , just for the sake and satisfaction of discovery on foot.
- Being mocked by the bar tender at Bergen for asking to split up a glass of wine
- The Fjords !!!
- The beautiful random street performances , be it Stockholm, Bergen , Oslo , Copenhagen, Barcelona, Madrid or Nice
- The view from the top of Mount Floyn in Bergen , Prague Castle, National Museum in Barcelona, Berlin Parliament observation tower, Nice steps , Monaco Castle
- The way the sky was overcast and smooth cool wind flowing across my face in Barcelona
- Getting lost ( i am officially bad at reading city maps) in Barcelona , running all the way back to where i started. Starting again and finally managing to see all that i wanted . One great way to see a city
- Feeling of awe inside St Nicholas Church in Prague, Old Cathedral in Barcelona and Prague Castle.
- The way the church appeared out of nowhere inside the Prague castle to totally take me in by surprise. And the towers looking so like Hogwarts . The amazing book shop on the way with a cellar full of old books
- The 6 floors of Berlin Haufbaunhauf or the main train station and marveling at the German engineering
- Being misunderstood by 5 railway clerks in Barcelona, 2 in Hamburg , 1 in cerbere but managing somehow( sign language and written words) to find the right connection.
- Being lost again in Madrid , trying to read the Map. Then the cute old lady coming out of nowhere asking me where i intended to go. Me mumbling something in English and she replying something in Spanish. None understanding a word but still she directed me by holding my hand to some square that turned out to be brilliant . Ah amazing...
- Food : Tapas at Madrid, 3 course meal and Socca at Nice , Thai curry chicken at Berlin near the holocaust memorial. The pleasure of having hot daal , chawal and rice at home after days of eating sandwiches. Cooking , taking pictures and eating some amazing self cooked chicken curry, dum aloo, pulao, pasta, biryani and even paratha
- The Sea and how it was . Blue and Green and crystal clear at Nice and Monaco. The amazing splash at the secluded beach in Monaco . The cold water but with a bright sun behind. The rocky steps leading down to the beach and all the effort it took to reach there . All worth it .
- The way people sometimes smile at you in Copenhagen in the metro or on the streets.
- All those cold nights spent at the Stockholm, Berlin and Hamburg train stations.Brrr
- Oktoberfest and how wild it was. What ambiance , what color and enthusiasm. Us shouting at passerby to not click pics of a puking friend. People shouting at random inside the tents. We singing typical rowdy songs like U.P Bihar lutne , sutta and khalnayak inside the tent and then making Italians sitting near us sing them as well. Shouting India ka tempo high hai.
- Boarding the train from France to Germany without reservation since i had no other option and luckily not being disturbed even once by the ticket checker.A few rowdy french fellow travelers taking hold of the PA system of the train and announcing something in french. Everyone in the train laughing except myself.
- The ride on the bus across the France German border on a bus doing 120 Kph.
- The excitement before a trip next day and all those hours of planning in order to save those euros


I guess that is a lot for one post. Must have missed a few things but maybe for later. :)

Finally , after hours of planning and shopping , running and making calls and emails to get documents , animated conversations , photocopies , scans , currency rates , insurance premiums , accommodation procedures , applications and a night out packing , I guess i am finally prepared :)

Wish me luck and God Bless EUROPE :P

Man: Forgive me father for i have sinned.

Father: What have you done my son. The Lord is merciful , he will forgive you.

Man: I am not sure about that father.

Father: Tell me son.

Man: I killed the child inside me Father. Killed him second by second. In cold blood. Consciously. Like the killers they show on crime shows. I knew what i was doing. And i knew that what i was doing was not right. But still i did it .

Father: Did you enjoy it?

Man: Oh no no. Not even for a moment. But i had to it . Didn't i?

Father: Why do you feel so my son?

Man: Because i had to belong. Belong and be part of the group. Do what others did. Do what others validated and accepted . And applauded. Is it not what we do. Belong?

Father:Define others my son.

Man: My friends , family ,coworkers. Society.

Father: Have you succeeded ?

Man: Yes, I have. They all love me and accept me.

Father: Then why are you discontented? Why can't you sleep peacefully at night like you used to? Why don't you laugh out these days? Why ?

Man: Because i killed him. I killed the part within me which was the biggest source of my happiness. I killed my urge to do what i wanted. Curbed the way i wanted to feel. Got consumed by the mad rush for materialism induced by this society. Bartered my happiness based on emotions for a concept of happiness that was based on material objects.

Father: You have your answer my Son.

Man: But, what now father? What can be done ?

Father: Find the child within you my son. The child which you thought you killed was, is and will always be within you. He can't die. No one can kill him. Not even you. Because he is You.

How ironic love is. The incidents and actions ,which elevates one to an unprecedented level of bliss , are the ones which transform into the most stinging pain.Once the person whom you love moves away , whatsoever the reason might be , he/she leaves behind a void in your life.

To some their whole life becomes a mere exercise of trying to find an apt replacement to fill the gap. Maybe a few are lucky enough to achieve so but for the majority this is an impossible task. Why such a pure and beautiful emotion , when it ceases to exist , transforms into the most cruel entity.

I looked out at the deep blue sea spreading its beautiful yet treacherous wings. The waves trembled with vicious force towering over the icebreaker ship Kapitan Khlebnikov. ‘This is it ‘, I reflected as we approached the rocks lining the southern edge of the South Georgia Island. The Icebreaker had managed to cover the mountainous seas spanning close to 800 miles from Antarctica but the ordeal was not over yet. The ship, weary of unscheduled and emergency travelling, was in a bad shape. Certainly not the right vessel to brave the approaching rocks.

The temperature was sub zero as usual accompanied by chilly winds shrieking past my ears. But I was used to this weather. The expedition had started months ago but it still felt as if it were yesterday. The memories came flooding back. I had read that when you are about to die you see your life flash by. I guess it is true.

“This is the biggest and the last mistake of your life”.
“How can you just leave everything like this?”
“How can you quit at this critical juncture of your career?”
“Are you not afraid?”

The voices, expressions and resentment of my near and dear ones filled my mind. Yes, leaving an exceptionally well paying job at a leading business consultancy was a stupid thing to do. That too, when I had actually managed to carve a niche for myself in the organization and was part of the elite club. All the relentless effort and sacrifices I had undertaken to pursue my goals appeared to be a waste.

The coast was visible now and so were the thousands of King Penguins and Seals lying without a care in the world. The Island looked invigorating. If only we could reach it. A former whaling station, South Georgia was the closest land mass from the site of our accident near Ross Island on Antarctica. It was a hasty but the only feasible decision in those demanding circumstances. All the hands on board had rallied behind the captain’s decision.

The problem with decisions is that howsoever prudent they might seem, only time tells what they are worth. I had taken a decision which was the most unreasonable to a common man like myself but was the only decision that I could have taken to satiate the Adventurer in me. It might have sounded strange to other reasonable persons but, curbing my true calling of being one with nature, sitting in the plush office in a swanky business suit was suffocating. Just the thought of being out there in the open seas excited me. But for all these years I had tried to live someone else’s life.
Another wave banged against the ship. I clung onto the railing of the upper deck with my life jacket and survival kit. The collision with the rocks could happen any moment now. Just a few seconds and forces of nature would decide my fate.

By choosing the open sea over solid land, had I bartered life for death?

You live truly ,only in the face of death. You face your deepest fears and get acquainted with the ‘real you ‘. This was what I wanted to do. This was my dream.
Was it a wise decision?

I smirked, as the next wave came crashing over me.

I experienced a mixture of feelings on Saturday. Woke up early since i had slept really early the night before . Thought about taking a nature walk around campus. It turned out to be an amazing decision for i witnessed the glory of nature bestowed upon the WIMWI campus. After the winters the trees around campus are getting laden with new leaves. The symmetrically planted trees near the entrance with their black branches and light green colored leaves just looked amazing. To top it off the sunset from various locations along with the play of brush strokes of various hues ranging from orange to blue across the sky was mesmerizing. The weather was cool which exacerbated my pleasure of having hot 'moti chai' outside the campus gate.

In the afternoon i attended the allocation for foreign exchange seats and was lucky to get Copenhagen Business school. But after looking at the foreign allocation list a few not too happy thoughts cropped in my mind. A few weeks ago i had applied for various clubs and events for the post of organizing member. At IIMA club coords are chosen who in turn choose their team . During interactions just about everyone told me that since you are going on exchange it would be difficult to do the work and so number of exchange people is limited in the clubs. I thought it was fair enough.

But after looking at the list of outgoing students i found a significant overlap. Now i know my capability , at least in organizing events , so it was kind of a shock. I tried to find reasons but then i realized how pointless it is.

One of the best things about JEE or CAT(not this year :( ) is that by and large it is a level playing field. You are judged according to the same parameters as everybody else. But all this objectivity goes to the dolphins( Hitchhiker's hangover) once the human angle comes into play. Howsoever stringent the parameters might be one can never remove the inherent randomness originating from the complexities of the human mind. Also factors like favoritism, friendship and a range of other groupings ranging from country, religion to even your 'gali- mahaullah' comes into play. Add to this ,the preconceived notions which leave an indelible mark upon the decision making neurons of people.

As aptly stated by my Finance professor in class today " Life is not fair, you make the effort and somebody else reaps the benefits". The number of uncontrollable variables which influence our life (at least in the materialistic sense)is huge. But then how does one live with this . How does one enjoy a peaceful sleep knowing that he is as good or even better than his boss ( or fellow students / co workers etc) but does not get what he deserves in life ?

A simple solution as suggested by a yogi is to realize that all this is maya (now don't get any naughty ideas ). Live in a detached manner, observe life and all its happenings as a meek observer. Enjoy the 'Raslila'. Since eventually all of this shall pass away. Do the 'Karma' and accept the results. Don't try to find reasons for all the randomness in this world. Accept that this is how it is .

Do i agree??? Guess ....

P.S: The title is in Danish :)

While eating my lunch today i realized how lucky I am . I do not have to worry about where my next meal will come from . I have numerous options in terms of what to eat. The food i get is hygienic (hopefully) and nutritious ( subject to the amount of adulteration of course).

Stumbled upon this video showing a cute lady demonstrating how to cook meals as she did during the great depression . I see people around me engrossed in the pursuit of worldly gains. Their happiness , contentment and just about everything else depends on how they can satiate their desires. I confess that i also belong to this category , howsoever i might try to remain detached . And it is fine since everyone is free to do what he thinks would give him/her happiness. Human race has progressed due to the ambition of restless souls.

But I feel that people forget the value of having this meal everyday. It is something that they are so used to that they don't think about it . Think of the millions across the world who sleep with an empty stomach and eyes brimming with tears.

We might feel that we are different than those not as lucky as us but are we really?

A street dweller sleeps with the hope that he will get his meal next day. A CEO sleeps with the hope that he will get his BMW soon.

Just finished watching a movie titled "A serious man " by the coen brothers. It is based on the Book of Job , where God tests Job's faith on him . There can be two interpretation , as i see it, of the movie.

After an exceptionally pathetic operations surprise quiz on Friday , i was greeted by a misty Saturday morning. But soon the mist lifted to give way to a bright and sunny morning. A fitting start to Chaos, the annual national Cultural festival of IIMA.