The train rambled on at its usual pace. It was one of those moments when you relive your childhood and experience the sheer joy of not having a single care in the world. Sitting on the steps of a train door at midnight seemed such a rare luxury now. The sensation of cold air brushing my face reminded me of all those impetuous journeys made during college days with friends. Sleepy villages passed by illuminated only by the light of the full moon flaunting its glory. It seemed perfect but nothing was perfect without her.

Fond memories flooded my mind. It had been a night like this. Only the three pink carnations picked up hastily before boarding the train were missing. It was difficult to tell whether the sweet smile waltzing across her face was more enchanting or the musical sound of her voice calling out my name over the din of the crowded railway station. I hastily hid the flowers in my backpack. It was a business trip after all. Whatsoever the state of my heart might have been, my mind prevented me from pouring out my feelings.

"But there is no logic in love", my heart pleaded.

"I hope you remember the agony that proceeded after following and believing the above proposition”, my mind reasoned.

Torn between conflicting emotions, I greeted her. We boarded the train and chatted for a while about the trip and the market situation. It was an overnight journey and we were supposed to report to our boss early morning. Even then we were up till late at night, chatting. Our conversation, as usual, flowed smoothly.

It was perfect. Our attitude, likes, dislikes values. But the ghosts of my past hovered over me. How perfect things are at first but the burden of time and reality slowly corrodes the very base of the relationship. Past cannot always predict the future but it surely can affect it, in both positive and negative ways. The latter was in progress now.

We decided to call it a day. She climbed on her berth. I could not resist and my heart got the better of my mind. I slipped the 3 carnations into her hands.

Coming back to reality, I went back to my berth. The compartment was dark and silent. I switched on the side lamp and looked at the most beautiful face I had ever seen. Maybe it was the ambience or the carnations or just me, 30 years ago. Whatever the reason might have been, I recollected the sound of those words.

“Thank you for the flowers. They are just amazing”.

“No problem, I picked them along the way. Good night. Sleep well”.

“Sweet dreams .Umm…. Manas , I think I am falling in love with you”.

I switched off the lamp and closed my eyes.

“I guess there is no logic in love after all “

As we grow old we widen our horizons . We start demanding and needing more . As taught in marketing ,we discover ( or made to ) our hidden needs. There is an old saying about the frog inside the well. He knows just about the well and has no idea about the outside world. This is , as taught to us , a bad thing . But can't we compare this frog to the kids who know nothing but are happier than the supremely knowledgeable human beings treading this planet.

I guess we start taking life and ourselves too seriously . We become the victim of our own needs. Needs which are supposed to bring happiness. Which in the short run do bring happiness but evaporate soon enough. Thus one is bound to slog hard throughout his/her life for that blissful state of mind. In the process we become responsible not only for ourselves but also for others. Then begins the cycle of compromises and subduing of aspirations.

But people will argue this is how life is. Hard , cruel and complicated.

I guess i will have to start the yearly ritual of putting out warm clothes and blankets in the sun. I have not exactly enjoyed winters but they have their own charm. Like the pleasure of cuddling in the Rajai with a nice book and a coffee or walks on roads wrapped in low hanging fog.

It also reminds me of a few cherished memories like studying through the chilly nights in my hostel trying to complete the 5 units of syllabus for the semester exam the next day . Going with the hostel gang in auto/bus to sit for the paper or with manish on his scooter/bike. Last minute cramming and revisions standing in the bone numbing cold outside the center, then trying to warm hands so as to put down all the globe on the answer sheets.

Or going to school on my cycle in the fog with my blazer pockets filled with dry fruits given by mummy. The morning drills by the sports teacher to prepare for the annual day . Sitting or playing football in the sun with friends. Setting up bonfires from wood and dry leaves of the guava trees in my home and studying for tests which immediately followed the winter vacations.

Memories are all i possess and thank god they are all beautiful.

This is in tune with the happenings near last year's diwali. I was feeling probably my lowest in a long time a day before diwali but diwali brought in loads of happiness , cheerfulness and luck ( which saw me through the portals of IIMA).

It turned out to be a Deja Vu of sorts this year as well ( and i hope the luck part will follow in the crucial weeks to follow) . The day, rather the afternoon started with bike rides and shopping ,through the length and breadth of ahmedabad , for crackers, colors for rangoli, diyas , flowers, sweets and candles . It was fun and tiring but helped me in having a first hand look at the enthusiasm of Gujarati shoppers .

Then came the making of the rangoli which was mostly done by my dorm mates and photo session. Then i did a solo puja on my desk . Then spent some time roaming around campus looking at other dorm rangolis and lighting. D13 won and they truly deserved it with their theme of Ramayana and awesome anime style rangoli of lord Ram.

Then came the best part --- crackers. I never thought it would be so much fun but i guess my enthusiasm seeped into my dorm mates who broke all shackles of IIMA seriousness. It was amazing. The duration of my laughter in those 1-2 hours was more than what have laughed till now at IIMA, and that's whole 4 months.

Now i am experiencing the sad feeling that diwali is over which i have every year. Also i missed mom n home a lot although it was mitigated . And i am hoping that this diwali brings me luck like last year. :)

It is such a refreshig idea. The blog contains pictures of bookmarks , notes and scribblings left by people in old used books and notebooks. The author of the blog works at a used books store and comes across these "Antiques" frequently.

It reminded me of my feelings which i have inadvertantly when i witness some beautiful spectacle of nature like a sunset , water bodies, hills , tee plantations, meadows, lush jungles e.t.c . The feeling which makes me say out loud that "There is more to life than just the materialism which forms the better part of our lives ".

Getting back to books, which i truly and dearly love reading, smelling and collecting. I also happen to scribble thoughts on pages and margins . Make bookmarks out of Old photos and post cards. Write on each book a short history. When did i buy it or who gifted it to me or anything diffrent associated with that book.

Memories. Sweet memories.

Reading Tinkle and Raj comics in afternoons after lunch . Swapping them with friends. Telling stories . Fighting over them . Taking them to school and reading them during classes . Miss those days. Days when my whole life was not about competition, grades, placements, cv and getting bullet points on my resume. When i was actually busy having a wonderful childhood.

Why did i ever grow up :(

Life should stop in class 9th and start over again .

Why worry about grades and materialism when there is so much more to life .

"The role of a manager is like a catalyst "

Quite aptly said .

I remember reading somewhere

"9 out of 10 people in the

world work for the 10th.I am training to be the 10th "

:)

But i beg to differ after 2 such submissions and one peer evaluation. Writing a blog or cooking up stories is one thing but writing a report on some actual case which is supposed to affect some business and its stakeholders is another. We are supposed to analyse the problem , consider the options objectively and find the best one. Alas all options look the same to the harried students and one has to twist and interpret facts in ways to make the one of his choice (or was it the choice of the guy whom i met in mess today) as the one most delicious with a cherry thrown in at the top.

Somehow the report submission landed on our already taxed heads a day before the Mid Terms. Human Rights guys. Are you listening . Thus began my 5 sleepless nights . It was a group assignment so me and Pankaj started it at 11 in the night . Watched videos , talked and ordered and ate food from CT(Canteen in IIM Ahmedabad). Then the alarm bells rang and we ended up with a good enough report and 1 hour of sleep the next day . WAC run.. Um will tell about it later.

Then began the actual hiking. The mid terms . Studying for subjects is a zero sum game at WIMWI. You study one and the other is left out . The same thing happened with me and i was fairly comfortable in the day 1 exams but was totally at my wit's end in the next two.

The fear was so much that i actually went to a seniors and looked at last years stats about the number of failures . Thankfully they were minimal ,0-3 , in a batch of 300 +.

Having this assurance i struggled with them and eventually managed to do OK ( that is pass ) , i think . Another easy paper and my 5 day long ordeal ended. The exam got over at 10:30 and we got our next slot books at 1 :) .

This slot has 2 of the most important subjects - Marketing -1 and Financial Markets. I hope their Profs are good.

The exams ended and the whole campus was gripped and is currently suffering from the T NITE fever( along with an actual flu which has actually got a lot of victims on campus ). More about T NITE after its completion .

The highlight is that i spent one of the best moments at IIM Ahmedabad last night. Out of impulse i left my room at 1 in the night and strolled through the campus . The campus is so beautiful , serene and calm . The buildings here actually reassure you that you belong here . It gives you a sense of achievement. So many times i have confronted this question in the past month whether i belong here or not . But last night i knew the answer. And the feeling was amazing. I hope i carry this feeling always with me throughout my life .

The full moon looked splendid from the spot in the parking where i sat . The weather was perfect with cool breeze carrying the sweet scent of wild flowers . The feeling in my mind was satisfying and the thought of someone whom i was missing was pleasurably painful in my heart :)

I guess this one statement makes me shop over cautiously and judging the value of a good over and over again before buying.This might sound to be a very prudent habit but it does create a lot of problem specially for my family members who take me out to shopping.

Yesterday went to buy a watch.But i guess i was living in stone age with respect to the price range of watches which i expected.I thought would buy a Sports Titan/Times watch with a max budget of 3000Rs.All my hopes came crumbling down like i hope mayawati's government will in the near future.I mean all decent watches started at that range.

The ones i liked: 2 Timex,1 titan and a Tommy Hilfiger ranged from 5000 to 9000. So being the ever so cautious and judgemental buyer i came back (for the 3rd time in a space of 7 months) without a watch. Sighhh.....

But today i again went as a gallant viking to conquer the castle(here, watch ;)) and again came back empty handed.Found a Titan with a great dial but an equally disappointing wristband@3350 INC.

This was not the end though since i managed to blow up more than 10k of my mum's hard earned money in other items.

1)A business Suit from Peter England

2)A shirt from Peter England

3)Nike Air Shoes

4)Nike Floaters

5)Nike Pajamas

6)A belt from Big Bazar

Frankly speaking.I am quite satisfied and happy today.It's been ages since i bought so much in a small span of time without thinking about its value and worth and prospects in future and this and that... And it felt great.

I hope i can show the same immaculate form while buying a watch next time.Wish me luck...

P.S : All this shopping is for my journey and subsequent stay at IIM Ahmedabad which will be my address for the next 2 years :)