Thoughts Unlocked

I looked out of the Train Window and saw streaks of Bright White light flashing between voids of darkness.”The Story of my Life” I reflected.

I looked around and tried to decipher the faces that i saw.The stories that each one of them held back.The joys ,the apprehensions ,secrets.What would it feel like to read ones mind.Would that be a liberator , knowing everything or a daunting burden of being the uninvited keeper of people’s thoughts.

Whatever it might amount to,it would help me cut through the mess of Office Politics.
Yes,Office.The place I wanted to be my whole adult life.A place which took so much more away from me other than just effort, a part of my life.And now after all those years or hard work and sacrifice this is what its all come down to.A sense of Frustration and Emptiness.
Is this what life is?Is this what i wanted to be?

“Long day mate ”,asked the person sitting beside me in his Obnoxious Australian Accent.Wait , can he read my thoughts.Is it possible?Oh my God, is it so bad.Can they see it on my face?
“Yes, a really long day”.I grinned back.Faking a fake smile that i have mastered .
Am i the Victim here or the Tormentor just playing role of the Victim to understand him better.Have i not turned into what i fear most.

“Get a grip”,Control your emotions”.”Its just the exhaustion that's playing tricks on you”.The Hot Shot Manager in the Swanky Business Suit inside me shouted.Was it really inside me?
Was I really the person whom i project myself to be.Or has the Image Subdued the Subject.Was I the Prisoner of my own Reflection.

And then I saw her.

The Train Halted at my Station.I kept standing ---- Staring--- Thinking---- Dreaming--- Living.

..... to be continued.

There arer 3 types o cases which one encounters in life.

1) You have complete control---- Studies,Career,What are you going to eat :)

There is a chance of Fate and Luck affecting it, but still you are in control.

2)You dont have Control---- Death, Accidents , Coming into wealth by of an Old Relative ;)

3) uYou hav partial control---- Relationships, love, Team Events.

And-------

You are 100% accountable for 1)

0% for 2)

and 0-100% for 3)which depends on a lot of factors.

To be happy and do the right things in life for the cases---

1)Make all the efforts that are possible according to your capability.Enjoy the Journey and accept the end if you have given your best shot.Else try again.

2)Since you don't have any control,don't worry and stop thinking about what's going to happen ,what could hav happend and what did not.

3)Think ,analyse and then decide if it's in your control or not.Then Make effort or accept the reality and let go off the Past.

Yes, i am all the above ...The reasons--->



1)I had planned my future course of action according to my joining in october but till date there is no info about either Perot Systems or Infosys.I guess whatever you might plan in your life , you can never be confident enough.



2)I am supposidly preparing for CAT08 since 2 months but most of the preparation has been in planning what i will do , without actually doing anything.I waste whole day sleeping,thinking and wasting time.



3)I motivate myself to study every other day and i am really great motivator but my most promising talents of sleeping and lazyness get over all that motivation.



4)I am still confused as to what i want to do in my life except reading,sleeping,eating,watching movies,playing video games and headbanging.I have asked this question time and again but hav come out with Zilch each time.
I think being Really Great at one thing is far beter than being good at a lot of things.



5)My Mock Scores are going down in a negative difference A.P.

6)The Ghosts of my Past are making frequesnt appearances and i am not unable to Subdue them.

7)Somehow all these problems are creating confusions and problems with people who are close to me.

In short I am pretty much Messed up...
But I will get over it and will find a way i am sure sice-----"Winners don't give up,They Find a Way"