Existence



What is that one thing that drives a person? Drives one to madness! An entity that becomes the reason , means and end to one’s existence. At this point, maybe, a person can become more than what he is. By the dint of his work, focus, will he can achieve a state of perfection which transcends the concept of being human. In numerous ways God or the idea of God can be summarised as someone who is beyond this world or one who has achieved perfection to such an extent that there is nothing more to be done , no knowledge to be gained and nothing to be achieved.

At that temporal instance , one cases to just exist as a biological unit meant to be a very small cog in the perpetual process of evolution and survival of the gene pool and becomes a creator. A creator who refuses to just exist but become the Übermensch. But what would it take to break away and out of the shackles of one’s current state of being which has been guided over years of promises , teaching and rules. How does one get out of that state of subjugation. Moreover , how does a person annihilate that mental barrier , that sense of security and comfort.

To stop existing and begin creating. Creating a reality which he wills and not one that was thrust upon him !!!

Birds...Trees...Life


Couple of crows sat on the brown branch of a tree full of cheerful green leaves reflecting the mellow morning sun. The sounds flowing across the air was an amalgamation of bird talk and cool breeze rustling the leaves as if testing the beauty that those soft leaves flaunted elegantly. The sun shone somewhere in the shadows, waiting for its hour to strike when it would shine in all its glory. The squirrels meandered about the trees, looking for something, restless, searching.

The crows were joined by a pigeon but they did not seem to mind. Soon they were to fly away , possibly purposefully or just due to their innate restlessness. Do birds really have a purpose? Maybe, it is not their burden to decipher. They just are, doing what they are programmed to do, thinking little, acting for action’s sake and living. Is there a lesson there for us, the only ones granted the exceptional and rare ability to think about things like purpose, become sad about the past and worry about the future? But that is not the point. 

The point here is that there are birds and trees and sunlight and breeze and squirrels and music. There is Life and it is beautiful. 

Peace


“Who the hell do you think you are? I earn more than you and have a far better work profile”
“Yes, I know. That’s why you fail to be a good mother since all you are interested in is money and career and position and power “
“Yes, I do. So, what. And who are you to pass judgment on me about how good a mother I am. You are never home in any case. It is me who has to take care of everything” “Especially your good for nothing family who just sit there, eat, watch their stupid shows and keep pouring venom from their throats every minute on me”
“Don’t you get them into this”
“Oh yes I will. I so will.” “They are family, everything and I am nothing to you, huh” “Just an overqualified and over smart house maid”
“You are going mad each day. Just stop this nonsense. Don’t create a scene here”
“There is no one here to listen to all this. Since everyone is at home. Busy being happy” “Not dragging their dead drunk husband out of the club who has just spent a fortune on senseless drinks and food”
“Just shut up and get in the car”
“Ha, ha, ha. Just look at you. So weak. Can’t even drive himself home”
“Stop speaking or I will hit you”
“Yeah, won’t be the first time. Will it? “

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Why are these well dressed people shouting and fighting? They have everything. Even that nice big black car with a music system. And look at me. I have nothing. Sleeping for the zillionth time on the porch of this house. That too in this cold Delhi winter night with nothing but this withering piece of cloth which can hardly pass for a blanket. I have not eaten a proper meal in 2 days. The last one was when that kind lady gave me the leftover food. The surface is hard. It is colder than usual today. Oh God. I might even die tonight due to the cold.

But I do remember what my father told me before I left home to seek employment. I have peace. I have no worries. I don’t own anything so I don’t fear losing anything. I have never done a bad thing in my life. Have refrained from alcohol and smoking. I send whatever money I can every month home and my mother is happy because of me. I don’t worry about the future and have nothing to keep me awake at night about my past. Sure the ground is hard and cold. I will never get to eat in those restaurants, shop in the shiny buildings, play with small devices in my hand, and drive a shiny car. I might not even ever get to experience love or get married. Most probably I will die young.

But till that time. My mind is blank. I am happy. I have PEACE. J


Untitled

It glittered for a while, and then as if afraid of the piercing eyes gazing intently at it for what seemed like eternity, welcomed the cover of his friend, lover, nemesis. The pupils narrowed in resignation for they had no power over the object that they sought. Mere spectators.
But as ingrained in his master’s human spirit, the eyes did not give up. They started the arduous task of scanning the night sky. Looking for that small flicker. Hope? Or just another illusion that they saw every second. The curse of the eyes. They saw everything .
The star kept glittering, as ardently, as it always has been. For centuries. And for centuries it will . Wondering about its purpose . But no one to tell what it was. An existence serving some unknown master and some grand plan. Important no doubt , or so he thought.
His nemesis , the cloud, smirked at her achievement. Subduing out yet another of the shining objects it hated. She knew her purpose , or thought she knew. Her short existence aimed at eventually annihilating herself for the sake of those eyes which were always looking up at her. She did wonder , why should I? But it was not in her power
. The eyes finally found another dazzling light in the sky. Its potency managing to cut through those menacing clouds. It did what it was supposed to do. His master smiled , the eyes smiled. One more reason I gave for my master’s smile. Smile which was becoming rare. But yet, the hope remained...

Faith

He shields his old eyes from the harsh rays of the afternoon Sun.The rays punish his wrinkled dark skin as if spiked with sarcasm."You are at my mercy and no one can protect you". He scans the horizon only to find the familiar sight of golden brown withering semblances of a sugarcane field.The soil feels lifeless; ashamed of its failure.His feet hurt.But he ignores it as he has done all his life.Pain is familiar.And what you are familiar with, you learn to live with it.

He opens his lunch,slowly peeling away the layers of the faded red cloth which houses his meal.Maybe with the hope that its content will last longer.False hopes, meant to protect him against the harsh reality.He looks at his meal of a single Ragi ball and a few shreds of coconut.He wants to break down and cry.But he is not even allowed that.Tears,it seems have an expiry date. His is way past.He eats.Alone.In silence.

The Sun finally takes pity.Winds commence their daily task of enveloping mankind with optimism.He gets up and grunts.His old,twisted bones resist.

The path is narrow but he has done this everyday,all his life.It opens into a clearing with a banyan tree standing in it's full glory.His weary eyes rest on the small brick structure; red,orange,white,triangular,square.He smiles for the first time since the break of dawn.His pace is hastened, pulse increased and he is breathing deeply.Probably feeling alive,again.

He bows down.The clean floor feels cool and refreshing.He thanks his lord for blessing him with another day.He asks for nothing.Sits at his favorite spot, watching the setting Sun ,hearing the chirping of birds returning home and humming his lord's name...

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The Dude takes on Nihilism



Nihilist: The world is pointless. It means nothing .It is here only because of an explosion that happened billions of years ago. There is no higher purpose, no aim and no final relevant end to humankind’s existence on earth.

The Dude: Huh… What were you saying again? By the way, this white Russian is marvelous. Cheers

Nihilist: I am saying that God is dead. There is no one to guide us. Also there is no free will, only what we are conditioned to do over time. Thus we can’t know what is good or evil. Thus all morality is baseless. How can we live in such a world?

The Dude: Yeah I get what you are trying to say. It is all due to the bloody government. They got the country into the useless war in the 60’s. I always said it was a shitty thing to get into but nobody listened. See, now it is so difficult for me to score my grass…

Nihilist: Yes, the government, the church. Everyone. They want to mislead us into thinking and believing that what they preach and want us to adhere to means something and is important. But it is not. It means nothing.

The Dude: Although the quality of milk you get these days has improved. What brand of milk did you put in this one?
Nihilist: We need to give meaning to our lives. We need to reject all that is thrust upon us. But then whatever meaning and purpose we give will again conform in a way to what was and is imposed on us. Since there is no free will. So it is hopeless. I am doomed, mankind is doomed. As the great philosopher said, it is the greatest crisis of humankind. There is no escape. There are no answers. There is no solution.

The Dude: What is the problem man! Everything OK with you?
Nihilist: Were you even listening to what I was saying?

The Dude: Sorry but I am kind of high right now. Still I got most of what you were trying to say. Here is what I feel. You see, I knew all this way back. Now, you can either go on thinking and fretting and doing your sad philosopher routine over and over again. Or you can choose to ‘Take it easy’.

You can either try, in vain, to find some higher meaning in life or go with the flow and enjoy what you can and when you can. When it is a given that all this world means nothing, then live your life that way you want to. Don’t conform to any rules or traditions or hierarchies or class or money or power. If you try to change the system then again you are trying to force your rules on someone else like you. So don’t do that. Make your own rules, ignore all the bullshit going on in the world and live your life as you want to.

What you call meaninglessness I call freedom. I need not pretend to be someone I am not. Earn money that I don’t need, starve myself to have an athlete’s body since I need not impress anyone, preach since I don’t believe in anything or anything worth telling others.

Chill man. Take a sip of this fabulous White Russian you made. Observe, enjoy the dance of Life and have a damn good time while you are here . Cheers !!!

P.S: Dedicated to all the Dudes of the world , especially S.C \m/

Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more; it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing…... (Macbeth), William Shakespeare

I praise, I do not reproach, [nihilism's] arrival. I believe it is one of the greatest crises, a moment of the deepest self-reflection of humanity. Whether man recovers from it, whether he becomes master of this crisis, is a question of his strength. It is possible. . . . (Complete Works Vol. 13) ,Nietzsche

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On the Road: Bangalore to Bijapur



When I am having fun or am engaged in too many things it becomes difficult to break through the huge barrier of my lethargy and move the muscles to actually write something. The bother to my writing neurons in the left side and creative ones on the right side was also too much .So here is a small thank you note to both sides for playing along. This won’t be long and so you can go back to your aimless wanderings through my past, future and maybe present as and when your whims so desire.

Bangalore was awesome, both in the absolute sense and to a degree due to the base effect. My certain not so great experiences last time, mostly with respect to basic survival and human needs, had put a sort of an apprehension in my mind. Anyways I can state that barring the traffic/pollution/ PG Accommodation all was well. Especially the Auto situation seems to have improved.

The best thing was the company of some of my best friends’ .Thus all the drudgery associated with your Job is nullified over the weekend (Well technically I just had the Sunday, Yeah Sales Job: What to do) It was as green and beautiful as always and I can officially declare that Bangalore is the greenest Big City in India.

Plus I can never ever thank the city (and Mysore) enough for changing the course of my Career. Whenever I used to pass by Baldwin Boy’s School the (now) sweet memories of writing CAT 2008, after that hilarious and awkward incident which just about annihilated my chances of even writing the exam, came gushing in. Not only my career but certain higher and for me more important callings in Life. Thanks for taking me in and treating me well :)

Move over to Bijapur where I am writing this post while staring at the funnily colored but cheerful orange wall of my room. To me all small towns in India look and feel the same. So move over regionalists, this is my country and my people. I am as comfortable here as I would be in Sitapur.

The best part is that I actually am on the road (in a rickety Bus) for more than 60% of my Office Hours. And I love it. Maybe it is the weather which is not as great as Bangalore but becomes pleasant often enough to make me smile. Or the sheer joy it is to look at Bright sunflower fields in full bloom smiling back at me. Today it was the corn and sugarcane fields which radiated hope and prosperity. Crossing over the River Krishna reminds me of my childhood drives to Ghaghra River from Lucknow. The coconut and palm trees, irrigation canals, sporadic showers, blinding white Dhoti Kurta attire of villagers , birds flying across the green hills … It all adds to the magic!!!

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