Thoughts Unlocked

I just had a conversation with a dear friend studying in one of the best MBA Colleges of India.The Internship week is coming near and so he was busy giving the final touches to his CV.The problem with being among the best is that whatever you might be or have achieved in your life , is mitigated by someone or something.

I looked out of the Train Window and saw streaks of Bright White light flashing between voids of darkness.”The Story of my Life” I reflected.

I looked around and tried to decipher the faces that i saw.The stories that each one of them held back.The joys ,the apprehensions ,secrets.What would it feel like to read ones mind.Would that be a liberator , knowing everything or a daunting burden of being the uninvited keeper of people’s thoughts.

Whatever it might amount to,it would help me cut through the mess of Office Politics.
Yes,Office.The place I wanted to be my whole adult life.A place which took so much more away from me other than just effort, a part of my life.And now after all those years or hard work and sacrifice this is what its all come down to.A sense of Frustration and Emptiness.
Is this what life is?Is this what i wanted to be?

“Long day mate ”,asked the person sitting beside me in his Obnoxious Australian Accent.Wait , can he read my thoughts.Is it possible?Oh my God, is it so bad.Can they see it on my face?
“Yes, a really long day”.I grinned back.Faking a fake smile that i have mastered .
Am i the Victim here or the Tormentor just playing role of the Victim to understand him better.Have i not turned into what i fear most.

“Get a grip”,Control your emotions”.”Its just the exhaustion that's playing tricks on you”.The Hot Shot Manager in the Swanky Business Suit inside me shouted.Was it really inside me?
Was I really the person whom i project myself to be.Or has the Image Subdued the Subject.Was I the Prisoner of my own Reflection.

And then I saw her.

The Train Halted at my Station.I kept standing ---- Staring--- Thinking---- Dreaming--- Living.

..... to be continued.

There arer 3 types o cases which one encounters in life.

1) You have complete control---- Studies,Career,What are you going to eat :)

There is a chance of Fate and Luck affecting it, but still you are in control.

2)You dont have Control---- Death, Accidents , Coming into wealth by of an Old Relative ;)

3) uYou hav partial control---- Relationships, love, Team Events.

And-------

You are 100% accountable for 1)

0% for 2)

and 0-100% for 3)which depends on a lot of factors.

To be happy and do the right things in life for the cases---

1)Make all the efforts that are possible according to your capability.Enjoy the Journey and accept the end if you have given your best shot.Else try again.

2)Since you don't have any control,don't worry and stop thinking about what's going to happen ,what could hav happend and what did not.

3)Think ,analyse and then decide if it's in your control or not.Then Make effort or accept the reality and let go off the Past.

Yes, i am all the above ...The reasons--->



1)I had planned my future course of action according to my joining in october but till date there is no info about either Perot Systems or Infosys.I guess whatever you might plan in your life , you can never be confident enough.



2)I am supposidly preparing for CAT08 since 2 months but most of the preparation has been in planning what i will do , without actually doing anything.I waste whole day sleeping,thinking and wasting time.



3)I motivate myself to study every other day and i am really great motivator but my most promising talents of sleeping and lazyness get over all that motivation.



4)I am still confused as to what i want to do in my life except reading,sleeping,eating,watching movies,playing video games and headbanging.I have asked this question time and again but hav come out with Zilch each time.
I think being Really Great at one thing is far beter than being good at a lot of things.



5)My Mock Scores are going down in a negative difference A.P.

6)The Ghosts of my Past are making frequesnt appearances and i am not unable to Subdue them.

7)Somehow all these problems are creating confusions and problems with people who are close to me.

In short I am pretty much Messed up...
But I will get over it and will find a way i am sure sice-----"Winners don't give up,They Find a Way"

I happened to read an article in The Times of India today under the Speaking Tree Section of the Editorial.Here is the link http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Opinion/Lord_Kirshna_in_my_wallet/articleshow/3270241.cms

It actually got me thinking.I m a single child but have always had the company of friend.Thus i have never felt lonely or alone in my life.Also being a very lazy person always ready to doze of helps:)
But the point is,throughout the day when one is surrounded by people at work,home he doesn't generally feel alone , unless ,one is of the type who are "Bheed mein bhi akela".But when one goes to sleep(even with his beloved,not in the wrong sense ;)) he is alone.To himself.No one to disturb him,no one to say anything.People who fall asleep within nanoseconds of lying down are lucky since they don't have to be alone in this fashion.But most of us ,specially in their progressive years ,are not so lucky.

At this what does one feel.Lonely??
Change is the only constant think in this world is aptly said.We love our family and friends and of course girlfriends but will they be there for us always.I actually shiver at night when such thoughts creep into my mind.What will I do?

I find solace by the fact that i will still have my books,music,movies,sports etc etc .But as the article said eventually one has to be alone.According to the article,one should love God the most since he will be with you forever.I am not a Cynic nor an Atheist but Isn't that a way of Believing that you are the only one who Will always be with you.

What is God.A Manifestation of Perfection.One who is Strong,Invincible,Powerful.Who gives courage and happiness and bliss.Are these not the qualities of what just about everyone aspires to be in his life.
We are gifted with people who take care o us when we are born.Then along the way we meet people and bond with them but all along the only person who is constantly with one is himself.

People say there are Soul mates.I guess i am not lucky since i have not found mine in my 23 years of existence.But even if there is ,will he or she be with you forever?

People fret and complain and cry over the argument that no one loves me,no one understands me.
But the one person who loves you the most and who understands you more and better than anyone else in the world is ......

The one who stares at you every day when you look into the Mirror!!!

Its been Centuries since i wrote.Well i have partly been busy but the
main reason is that i am LAZY.Anyways, after reading the blogs of Sid
and Rupali i got pumped up to write something myself.I cooked up like
thousands blogs in my mind but never got around writing any of them.My
Laziness , he he :).

I saw WALL.E yesterday.Its an animated movie by
PIXAR, and arguably the most sensitive animated movie ever.Whats it
about.A fairly unconventional topic, but conventional in its own
sense.Its about love , between Robots.Now how is it possible for a
robot,a machine,to love.Well lets say its science fiction,there are no
limits to imagination.

Its about love and how a robot evolves emotionally and learns to love
and to make friends (here a cockroach which has yet again survived the
destruction of earth).

Its about saying the name of your beloved in the most sweet voice,
like a jingle.Like it's etched on your mind forever,a part of your
whole being.Just the sound of her name brings so much happiness to you
that you want to shout out of joy how much you love her.How saying and
writing her name gives you the assurance that she is there for
you,waiting for you,thinking about you and loving you.

Its about the most basic expressions of love.Holding hands.About the
feeling of being one with her.The feeling that you are connected to
her and nothing can separate you from her.The feeling of longing and
despair when you are far away from her and can sacrifice anything for
just a simple touch of her hands.

Its about the extreme happiness one experiences while watching the
most breath taking natural beauty in the arms of your beloved.How
simple and common things can give so much pleasure if one is in the
right company.How time flies away and you wish you could be there
forever.

Its about Music and how ,as Shakespeare has said ,Music is the food of
love.

Its about dancing and how it becomes sheer poetry in motion when you
are with you beloved.

Its about the Courage,effort and sacrifice one has to make to save
ones love.

Its about the future of mankind and its doom due to the abuse of
earth.A future where men have to depend on robots for everyday
chores,where they can't read on their own,they can't walk,can't even
talk properly.A future where one does not know what love is.
And how Robots teach men to love,again.

And its about hope.

Go watch it whenever it releases in India, i sure hope it does.

Eyes tell a lot of stories , stories of Love, Fear, Hope,Apprehension.Sometimes you can look into the soul of a person just by looking into his eyes, at other times you get bluffed by them, one might be holding back gallons of tears but wont give away a hint of that.

I have seen stories in peoples eyes, but there is one which keeps reverberating in my mind.

It happened on a train trip i made from mugalsarai to arrah. These are places in Bihar and U.P. I must have been 14-15 years old and was part of a wedding company.I was travelling in the General compartment( The train only had that, No A/C, Not even Sleeper).The train ambled along at a pace comparable to the pace of development of the tribals of orissa.

At each legitimate Station and twice as many illegitimate ones(Heard about Chain Pulling...? ) a sea of people came aboard.Most of them Labourers.

I was lying on the upper bench( I say bench because that's what it was, made of pure wood) when i encountered those eyes.

He must have been 12-13 years old, was of medium built and could have easily mingled with the crowd.But he possessed one thing that set him apart(atleast for me) from everyone else,,,, his eyes.

He was staring straight at me with his dull yellow eyes . Yellow because that's what keeps coming to my mind.What was the story behind them , Of sorrow , happiness, dreams, lost opportunities or of hope?

Were they the eyes that generalized the lives of Indians, more specifically the Indians living below the poverty line.The story that all of us know but conveniently forget .The story of a India which still lurks in the shadow of the Brilliance of India's Economic Growth.

I can quibble about whats wrong and what should be done .But does that make any difference unless i go and do something about it?

Meanwhile the boy keeps staring at me, maybe he senses something, but what? . I look at him now and then for the better part of 2 hours , he stares back without blinking even once.

The Trains comes to a halt , in the middle of nowhere, between obscurity and nothingness, a part of the Train's space is vacated by the crowd ,as one being, with those yellow eyes leading the way !!!!